Maintaining Relationships as a Busy, Self-Employed Business Owner
A few weeks ago I held a Live Talk on this topic featuring a special guest: My hubby, Marc. He was a last minute addition to the talk. I had teased a post that morning asking members of our Facebook Group to cheer him on to join in, just for fun. The reality was that I hadn’t actually expected him to say yes. I had the whole talk planned expecting that he wouldn’t be there.
Well, he’s such a good guy that he made a few jokes about, “Not if it was the last…” or something like that but then to my utter amazement sauntered into my office 3 minutes before the talk began and gave me a “where do you want me” look…and we went for it.
Truth be told, it threw me off completely. I ended up jabbering away, looping back to the same exact points over and over again and even went down a totally unrelated topic after being pointedly asked a random question by a live attendee. I hardly gave Marc a chance to talk at all.
Basically, the talk on a topic that is so important to me and my family…was a flop.
Maintaining relationships is the true reason why many of us got into photography in the first place. Sure we like to take pictures and are amazed at what we are able to create with our sophisticated light-capturing machines for our clients but many of us decided to build a business as photographers so that we could have more freedom in our lives to be better parents and spouses with more flexible schedules. Or our photography businesses were supposed to be an “easy way” to bring in some extra income on the side while also either maintaining another “regular job” or being a stay at home parent.
So, why is it so hard? Why are so many of my friends in the industry getting divorces and talking about insurmountable stress never having any time to do anything? Why are some able to make it and others never get close?
First, I think we need to distinguish between two very different groups of people here. The first are those starting out building their businesses from the ground up. These folks are standing at the base of a mountain wearing only a tee shirt and jeans holding a bottle of water staring up in awe and wonder at what needs to be summited.
The second are the ones at the top of the mountain wearing all the specialized gear and hiking apparatus but who keep looking around for the new gear they “need” to buy and the next mountain to climb.
Both are working hard but they can’t be compared outright.
Let’s get one thing straight from the beginning: Both our beginner and our seasoned pro have a choice. They both are choosing their destination and path to get there. The difference here is that one is forging the path the other is adding to it. And each needs to be considered separately.
I think it’s pretty obvious why the path for our beginner is hard. These folks are setting out into the unknown with oodles to learn and many obstacles to over come. It’s a grind. But the grind is expected…and almost thrilling at first. There is a goal in mind for freedom at the top of the mountain. The conversations in the households of these people are enveloped in questions of wondering if it can be done and what resources and sacrifices need to be made to make the destination reachable.
There is a “we” to this conversation. We talk through timelines and what-if scenarios. Calendars are color coded and everyone involved rallies to push our beginner to the final peak where this freedom is expected to be enjoyed by all involved.
Once our beginner, books enough work to finally quit their full-time job or pull their weight of the finances in the household (typically, the expected summit for most) there is an unexpected shift that happens and here is where I believe the problems begin for some.
The thing is, once our beginner reaches that summit, from that vantage point, when he looks around, beaming with pride, chest heaving with accomplishment, waving at his support crew at the bottom of the mountain, our beginner is no longer a beginner at all but the seasoned pro at the top, laden with the necessary gear and experience that got him to his peak.
It’s at this time with arms raised, Rocky Balboa - style, sweat dripping and a half smile/half grimace from the effort that he turns around to admire the view from up there…and sees new peaks that couldn’t be seen from down below. He realizes that he hasn’t actually reached the summit at all but just the first peak…
It is at this point when he can still see his supporters down there and the summit up there that a choice needs to be made. To continue up will mean even more sophisticated gear, more training, more sacrifice….and losing sight of those down below. To stay will mean he will watch others scale to this height and continue up past him.
First of all, deciding anything on his own is bound to alienate those who have supported him all along. Communication is key. Talking out the desires and aspirations of everyone involved is crucial.
Sometimes priorities change. This is to be expected in life. Maybe just making a few extra dollars and enjoying a flexible schedule just isn’t enough anymore once there has been a taste of the success that could be possible. That’s okay. But at this point, while it might be lighter and easier to just go on ahead on his own, it’s imperative to go back down the mountain to collect his supporters to bring them up the mountain with him.
It might be a TON of extra work, and will probably mean hiring other professionals to help make it happen, but those supporters were the whole point in the first place, right?
Find a way to include your supporters in the climb (from the beginning if possible) and to keep each other in sight. No summit, no matter how amazing the view and sense of accomplishment, is worth it if there is no one there to celebrate with you at the top.
Takeaways:
Communicate with your people to ensure everyone is on board with the goal.
Know your priorities and why you are doing this whole thing in the first place.
Work hard and lean on your people to make it happen.
Celebrate successes together.
If more growth means relationship sacrifice past the original goal, find ways to incorporate those important to you in the growth. Or…
Hire and outsource tasks to allow you more time to focus on those who are important to you.
Continue to reassess your priorities and goals to ensure they are in alignment.
Check your pride.
I’m probably going to butcher the original story in my own re-telling that I can’t remember where I heard first (probably the Marc and Angel Hack Life Blog) but here it goes…
A man came in off the ocean from from fishing one day in his small boat. He had a nice catch that day. He loved to fish and be on the water. After he sold the fish to the market, he put up his feet and relaxed, enjoying the salty ocean breeze.
A second man happened by noticing the fisherman. He couldn’t help judging this simple fisherman.
The second man, taking pity on on the first, decided to help by giving him advice many others pay him money for. The second man told the first he should take out a loan to purchase a bigger boat and hire a crew. He could fish all day on a big boat like that. And, the catch would be much larger. Think of all the money he could be making! All the success!
The first man tipped up his hat, still reclining in his chair, and looked the second man right in the eye and asked, “Why would I want to do that?”
The second man, exasperated with his fingers stretched wide, hands outstretched in a gesture to indicate greatness said, “Why, so that when you’re old, you can do what you love and relax…retire of course!”
The first man looked around himself and his current circumstances then back at the second man and smiled.
Xx - Megan