Megan Hoffer and her four kids. — Megan and her kids on Mother’s Day, 2018

I wrote this blog back in 2018 and I thought it would be fun to bring it back. All the guidelines still apply…even if my oldest boys now tower over me and are a little easier to photograph these days. Enjoy! - Megan Hoffer

Here’s a cell phone picture of what they look like now…

And then there were four.

Yes, four. — Three boys and one girl, to be exact!

I have heard countless times, “Megan’s kids must be so used to having their picture taken.” or “They must be so well-behaved.” or “My kids would never behave enough to do a photo shoot.” The one I hear most often is, “I could only handle doing a mini session with my kids. A 90-minute session would be too much for my family.”

Here’s the truth: My kids aren’t well-behaved for photo shoots at all, either. Most kids aren’t! My kids are probably the most difficult subjects for me to photograph because my “photographer mode” posing tricks don’t work on them. They know me too well!

There’s a good reason I don’t post pictures of my two older boys very often. They hate it! And, if I tried to cram a session with them into a few minutes, like a mini session, I would never get pictures of my four kids all together. What does work is this:

I prepare them ahead of time.
I let them know a few days in advance what day it will be happening, when we are leaving, where we are going, and what breakouts I want to try to accomplish (a picture of all 4 of them, individuals of each, each with Isaac, Andrew, Finn, etc.). I also tell them, honestly, how long it should take if they all cooperate.
Be sure not to underestimate how long you think it will take for older kids or you will lose them the second it goes over that time.
I don’t make a HUGE deal out of what they wear…even though it’s really important to me.
It’s easier to dress younger kids how you would like them to look. Older kids (and husbands, for that matter) have more of a set identity and can be particular about what they want, or don’t want, to wear. I have wasted enough of my time trying to force them into neutral colors with no prints or logos, khaki pants, and brown shoes. My older boys already know what I want them to wear.
What works better for me is to respect their individuality by letting them know what I would like them to wear but then allowing them to choose, in the end.
I would rather my kids are actually happy with how they look and have fun on the shoot than to have a whole bunch of photos of them in well-coordinated, cute clothes looking miserable and fake smiling.
6 years later, they now choose to dress the way I’ve always wanted them to, anytime we take formal family photos!
I let them choose who they stand next to.
I don’t force anyone to touch if they aren't getting along at the moment. It just doesn’t work.
Then, I try again later if it is a “must get” combination.
I’m happy to report that they all want to have photos together now that they are older!
I use lots and lots of patience and encouragement.
If they are making silly faces, I tell them they are the best silly faces I have ever seen. Guess what happens when you do that vs. telling them to cut it out? They smile. They smile a genuine smile. And, it’s really cool. Then, I show them the back of my camera and tell them how great they are doing. Sometimes it leads to more smiles and great pictures. Sometimes it doesn’t. I roll with it!
I let them throw the rocks and pick up the sticks and get dirty.
Kids need to be kids.
If they need to throw that rock, do it! And, tell them how great they are at it — as long as they didn’t throw it at someone.
Guess what happens? — They smile…and it’s a great shot!
I would rather have a picture of my kids laughing and having fun, full of joy — with mud on their pants — than clean and looking unhappy.
I don’t offer a bribe.
This is the hardest one for so many parents.
It can be tempting to set up something fun to do after the shoot or have a pocket full of lollipops at the ready but this can lead to disaster if you tell them about it before or on the shoot, as a bribe.
First of all, the messaging here is “this is going to be so awful that I need to bribe you with this treat or fun activity to get you through it.” Because of this, they are already expecting it to be painful.
Secondly, now the photo shoot, compared to whatever it is you offered, is less fun. — And, all they can think about is getting to that treat. You’ve lost them before you even started.
The shoot itself should be discussed as a fun activity, in and of itself. Try instead…
“We get to go on an adventure to take pictures!”
“We are so lucky that mom is a photographer and we can do this ourselves!”
“Mom might be famous one day and we will have photos taken by her!”
Then, once you have wrapped up, offer the fun activity or treat to add to the experience no matter how it actually went.

A note on Mini Sessions…

Mini sessions are a great option if you know your family can follow directions, every time and won’t need any “warm-up time” with the photographer. They go quickly! 20-30 minutes does not leave much time for the photographer to win over shy or uncooperative kiddos. If you think your kids might not be cooperative (which is normal at certain ages), you need a full session with a dedicated family photographer. For a full session, compared to a mini session scheduled back-to-back with other groups, you can choose the location strategically, give the kids time to warm up to the photographer, and give them the breaks they need to play and run around.

I find my kids have more fun if we use a location that allows us to walk along the way. If feels more like we are on a hike adventure with little stops along the way than a photoshoot. That’s just us though. Maybe your kids would do better with a playground close by to take some “swing and slide breaks.” Maybe that would be too distracting for your kids. You know your family best.

Mini sessions don’t allow for that level of flexibility and control. They may cost a third of the price (depending on the photographer) but at what cost? Your sanity, probably! And, the likelihood of actually getting great photos and developing a relationship with your photographer is far lower.

Here, I thought I would open up and share a handful of photos from a personal family shoot I did on Thursday to celebrate all of our kid’s recent birthdays followed by the “behind the scenes” photos of candid moments in between the posed shots. Isaac turned 12 in December. Rita was born on March 7th. Andrew turned 14 on March 10th. And, Finn turned 2 on Thursday. So, enjoy the sweet along with the silly.

Xx - Megan

This March 2024, my kids will be 20, 18, 8, and 6. How time flies. Take the pictures!!!